If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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