i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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