he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
