Quick, to the slutcave!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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