her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
