Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
