Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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