angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
