Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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