Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
