to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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