Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
