i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
