he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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