She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
