they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
