Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
