Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
