i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
