me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
