PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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