Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
