it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize