What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
