Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Vodka?
Forever.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize