There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
