i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
