I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
