Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
