"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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