He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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