God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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