this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
