I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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