How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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