im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
