also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
