i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
