Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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