A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
