is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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