i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
