I just cut my nipple shaving
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
