U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We got so high we made milksteak
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
