He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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