so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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