don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
