Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
