Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
