It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
