so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
