Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
