i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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