Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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