i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
