I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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