Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
