I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
