yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
