just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
