Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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