I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
