Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
