Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
