My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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