Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
