I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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