i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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