Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
