omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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