She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
