dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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