The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
