"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize